There's the 2010 kickoff without Tim Tebow & the HUGE loss of talent on both sides of the ball.
And snakes. Always snakes. But that's not what this is about.
I've been away from the blog for quite awhile. In fact, you could say it never got started good. But its time has come. And that brings me to my point. But before I launch into the list you should know that I talk to myself OUT LOUD and it looks like this. And when I talk BACK to myself, it looks like this.
Okay... so I'm afraid:
- That you won't like it. Dude. Seriously? Yep. I said it. Deep down I'm a 14-year-old girl on her first day at a new high school, not hoping to fit in but just praying no one even notices her. If they notice, there's a chance they'll make fun. And if they make fun, there's a chance it'll stick for four long years. Wow. You're creepin' me out. I know, but I once heard about this kid that got tagged "Cryin' Brian" in school and that stuff tends to stick. Just sayin...
- That you won't read it. I suppose the only thing worse than not liking it is not reading it in the first place. And why do I care? Because I genuinely desire to help tend your flame as you create that new world you desire and astound yourself along the way, AND I believe my experience qualifies me to do it in an entertaining & engaging way. Okay. 3 things, Einstein: One, if they're not reading this, well THEY'RE NOT READING THIS! B, They don't know what you mean about new worlds and astounding yourself, and CUATRO, "Tend your flame?" You sound like a perv. That will all make sense as we progress. Trust me. And why should I do that? So far we've determined you're an insecure teenage girl with no friends & apparently a bit of a weeper. And "your experience qualifies you"? Man, you suck at this. And NEWS FLASH: There's a fine line between "entertaining & engaging" and public therapy. Shut up. You could stop me if you wanted to...
- That you won't like the look (because I don't like the look) and that will detract from the message. See, I'm breaking my big rule here. Pretty is good. Pretty is important. Pretty makes the reader more comfortable. It's the wrapping paper at Christmas, you know? This isn't a WordPress blog with a Woo Theme. It's the blog format of the website I spent a lot of money on & frankly I ain't changin' it yet. Hey, I thought you got a WordPress account. It's free, right? Yes. And yes. But then I'd have to link people back & forth between the blog & the site and that's a hassle. Since I paid money for this website before I really had a handle on my purpose here, I'm sorta stuck with it for now. Yeah. I think you're just cheap.
- That you won't "get"me. That is, my humor; my perspective. My wife says I creep people out because I strike up random conversations with people: There's the kid with the UF t-shirt on line at Sbarro in the food court to whom I smile & say, "Go Gators!" who runs to find his mom because "that creepy old man was grinning at me." Not your fault he forgot he was wearing that shirt. IT'S EVEN A COMMERCIAL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! There's the checkout girl at Wal-Mart to whom I say, "Come on SEVEN!" as I swipe my debit card and then, "HOTCHA!" when it says "approved." That's kinda funny, man. What does she say? Nothing. Just stares at me. I bet she doesn't speak English. You know what, I never thought of that! I bet you're right. Wait'll I tell the wife... And then there's the teenage girls sitting behind us at the pool. I can't remember what I said, but my wife informed me that you NEVER, EVER speak to teenage girls at a pool. Who knew? I KNOW! I thought it was that creepy old man thing again, but she said that while I am indeed old & creepy, it was more about THEM than ME. It wasn't about YOU? I bet you were devastated... See. I'm well aware that things get "misconscrewed" when we're standing face-to-face and you can see my nonverbals & hear the nuance in my voice. When it's in writing, I get worried that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant. Huh? That's Robert McCloskey's fault.
- That you'll think I'm self-aggrandizing when I share parts of my personal journey. I'm truly more interested in your journey than in my own, but sometimes we get encouragement from those who are traveling a similar path. I'll never claim that anything I do is the only way to do things, nor will I claim that you'll fail if you ignore me. I just believe what my hero, Andy Andrews, says, "Encouragement is good. Proof is better." When you want to create a new world - relationally, spiritually, professionally and any other "ly" - it's nice to hear of others who are doing the same. It provides proof that it can be done. Yeah, but you're not done. Heck NOBODY'S ever done, are they? True enough, but you get the point. If not, see #4 above...
- That after I post this, I'll think of lots MORE stuff - better stuff - that scares me. But that's always going to be the case. You ponder. You pontificate. You put it out there. It is what it is. The one phrase that changed my is "Progress, not perfection."If you wait for it to be perfect, you'll be waiting a very long time. Just start somewhere & get better as you learn & grow. Can't ask for any more than that. Yeah, but you CAN ask for a better phrase, Dopey! ONE phrase changed your life and THAT was it? How about "Give me liberty or give me death!" or "Just Do It" or "It's not clean unless it's OxiClean!" You're right about one thing: This ain't perfect.
- That my wife will read this and greet me at the back door with a different kind of look on her face. Won't be the first time... Shut UP! You really CAN'T stop me, can you?
Comments
A. WE ARE RELATED & GETTIN' THE HUMOR MUST JUST RUN IN THE FAMILY
B. YOU REALLY ARE HILARIOUS
C. I'M JUST AS SICK AS YOU ARE!
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE.
ANSWER: D
LUV YA, CUZ!
I totally get it. Told my wife of 25 yrs...she should read your blog so she could finally understand me. Thanks for inspiration. Keep posting.